


Some things never change

by notgaystuff



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Book Spoilers, Canon - Book, First Kiss, Gay Stuff, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lost Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, super dramatic for no real reason??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-09 14:42:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12278625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgaystuff/pseuds/notgaystuff
Summary: Eddie wishes he could go back and do over a lot of his life. But his biggest regret still is Richie TozierThis is a very self-indulgent fic where Eddie and Richie live happy every after pretty much. This fic is set between when the gang is in their Senior year of high school up until they're like in their 40s; So it's gonna have some major book spoilers in the later chapters. No one dies kinda. Apologizes for the bad summary





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Girly Boy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12104667) by [natsumii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsumii/pseuds/natsumii). 



Eddie barely remembers why they were sitting in Richie’s car. He can remember the tension though, being thick enough to cut with a knife. He can recall 60s pop blaring in the background outside engulfing the silence. Richie’s gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening each passing second. Richie finally spoke up. “Dude we need to talk.” “What is there to talk about?” Eddie doesn't bother turning towards him, keeping his eyes glued back at the dance happening inside. Richie shifted. Than pulled out the cigarette from his cupholder. Eddie shot him a look and Richie rolled down the window before he lit it. “I know you saw me” His voice came out smooth but almost as weak as a whisper. That’s the only thing Eddie recalls vividly about that night. That night they had gone to homecoming, Richie was his ride. Explains the car. He remembers Richie leaving and giving Eddie his sweater he worn over his vest and after an hour of holding it Eddie wanted to go home. He remembers going around asking Bill and Bev if they had seen Richie anywhere. Almost giving up before remembering Richie was probably outside smoking. He headed out the back gym doors peering around for Rich. He turned the corner and then he saw it.

Richie and some boy, _kissing._ The guy’s back was towards him so he didn’t get a chance to see who the fuck it was. But he remembers seeing him, his eyelashes fluttering leaning in. Eddie stood there face frozen in shock. Than Richie opened his eyes ever so slightly than shot open when he saw Eddie. They made eye contact, while he was kissing some dude. Fuck. He turned on his heel so fast he didn’t see if Richie had even broken the kiss off. 

He doesn't remember if he called after him. He probably did. He also vaguely remembers an hour later Richie convincing him to get in his car to ‘talk’. And so there they fucking were ‘talking’ 

“Is that really all you have to say about it? You can’t just pretend that didn’t happen because you're not happy about Eds.” He took a long drag from his cigarette. 

“HAPPY? I’m not anything! How do you expect me to react to my best friend making out with some dude behind the gym.” 

“He’s not some dude, that was Alex from my fucking spanish class which you would know if you paid any attention.” 

“Oh sorry I didn’t know there was a quiz! I didn’t know I had to keep a Richie tozier bone list just to avoid catching you making out with some guy. And before you say it yeah I know my moms at the top of the list I get it hah ah fucking ha.” He spat out 

Richie rolled his eyes. “Please your problems not with alex. Obviously Eddie.” He flicked his cigarette out the window “ Your problem is that you don’t like the fact I like guys Eddie simple as that.” Eddie feels a cold sensation boil in his chest. He turned to Ritchie for the first time since they had gotten into the car “Why do you even give a shit what I think? Huh? You ditch me for an hour to go finger some guy behind the gym.” 

Richie actually scoffed at that. “Why do you think I give a shit? Eddie your opinion is the only one I give a shit about! Why the fuck do you think I care.” He was almost shouting 

“W-what why?” He’s slightly frightened, the realization of losing Richie becoming more apparent. 

“You want me to spell it out for you Eddie. You're my best friend. I don’t know” The music continued in the background. Richie looked up at him, his eyes searching for something” You know” 

“Know what?” His lips suddenly seemed chapped 

Richie only stared at him. His face so soft yet so worn. Even now. His eyes filled with fear and confusion. 

“Eds…” 

“Richie…” 

' _So won't you, please, be my be my baby Be my little. baby my one and only baby'_ The Ronettes filled the silence. It created a dream like haze . Part of him wished this was all a dream. He would wake up and him and Richie would forget all of this and move on without a word. But it wasn't, it never is. Richie leaned over closer to Eddie. He was so startled he didn’t move he couldn't. Richie leaned in closer and closer, sucking in the air between them. He can almost taste the smell of cigarettes and cheap mouthwash. Their lips meet. Softly, barely even touching. Just gently enough for him to feel his dry soft lips grace over his. Than the realization hits him and he shoves Richie away. 

“I’M NOT QUEER. I’m not” He wheezed out. “I’m not I’m not I’m not” He choked out under his breath. “Eddie” Richie reached out to put a hand on his shoulder trying to calm him. “No” He slapped his hand away. The look on Richie’s face says it all. His eye’s hung down not being able to meet Eddie’s. Rejection. He hadn't even meant to. “I have to go” Eddie coughed out. He got out of the car not caring that he had to walk home. Not listening to Richie calling back for him. He picked up the pace and began to run. He remembers walking home that night. Thoughts of Richie floated around in his head. He remembers coming back home to his worried mother saying that he had really bad allergies that night and that bill had given him a ride home. 

They didn’t see each other for a while after that. He remembers the semi-lonelier afternoons never seeing all the losers in the same place, even though they barely even call themselves that anymore. After three weeks he does finally see him but, he doesn't say anything to him. He doesn't ignore him he just doesn't say anything other than a few words to him. They leave it that way. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gang throws a going away party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where the cannon starts diverging slightly, you might be able to tell where. This chapter ended up being waaay longer then I wanted sorry about the length. Also there's some homophobia in this chapter be warned. 
> 
> Update:  
> On hiatus cause finals homie

Things were… alright between Richie and Eddie. The whole homecoming incident left unspoken. No one really noticed the awkward two word responses they would give to each other or missed glances, other than Beverly of course. 

“So Eddie…” She caught him walking out of History only a month after it happened . “Oh Hey beverly?” He’d been so distracted thinking about the homework he didn’t notice she’d come up. 

“So let’s not beat around the bush. What’s been up with you and Richie?” His heart sunk at the mention of his name.

“Oh what? Nothing. We’ve been good ya know? Just Richie being Richie.”  
“Uh huh…” He could tell by the look on her face she wasn't letting this go. Oh god why did they have to have art together.

“What really? Haha it’s not like something happened or whatever.”

“Hmmm. You guys never hang out just you two anymore. Even bill thinks it’s weird. Like as soon as we start splitting up and it’s only me you or Richie left, or whoever you just run off before we even say goodbye. And you always do that face around him now. Like he said something and it pissed you off .” 

Eddie was already sweating bullets. How can she tell? Did Richie tell her and she want some disgusting confirmation? Oh fuck does she know he could be sick?. He kept his eyes glued to beverly's trying to hide his fear. “There! That face right there! You look like you're gonna piss your pants.”  
“I might if you don’t stop with the interrogation” He sped up. “Eddie come on” She put a hand on his shoulder “I just wanted to say _whatever it is_. I’m here for you. Both of you idiots.” She gave him a warm honest sincere smile trying to actually connect with Eddie but all it does is make the pit in Eddie’s stomach boil over with self deprivation. “Thanks Bev.” He tried to mimic one back but he can tell it’s not real.  
They arrived at the door to their next block and thankfully that was the last time anyone brought the whole ‘Richie’ thing up. At least until after graduation 

Graduation was good. Eddie and all the losers walked on time someway or another, mainly ben’s tutoring. His last summer in Derry goes by in a flash. He honestly couldn’t tell you what happened. He does remember his going away party the gang threw though. He since he was the first to leave, he couldn’t get away from his mother fast enough, it was the really last time they were all together, just hanging out. Even though Beverly was leaving only a couple weeks after for her EMS training in Arizona he couldn’t force himself to stay, not even for her. Stan headed for Georgia next trying to be an accountant. Fallowing was Bill pursuing an English major he didn’t know if he was going to use, then Ben; being the artist he was he chose to become an architect and Finally Richie. Richie was always full of stardom and wonder, truly Eddie was almost jealous, he was serious about moving to California to make it out there. Mike though he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Sure derry was all sorts of fucked up but he couldn’t just leave it. But he’s getting ahead of himself. The going away party. 

He remembers the tozier’s living room like it was yesterday. Of course the whole thing was Richie’s Idea. He did find it super suspicious Richie had called him that day asking if he wanted to come over and bake. “Richie I told you I can’t smoke even if I don’t have asthma I still can’t breathe.” He could hear Richie cutting out laughing. 

“No No. Cutie, Bake as in baked goods like food and stuff? I was wondering if you wanna make cookie’s or something since my little Eddie spaghetti got accepted into SJU I feel like we should celebrate!” He twisted the phone cord. 

“Uh, yeah sure I’ll ask my mom. Who else is coming?” “Aww Eds you don’t want some quality time?” His face grew hot. “N-no it’s not that I was just asking.” “Don’t worry I’ll invite everyone else.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks love you too Eds.” Richie Mocked out. “OH shit I didn’t mean-! Sorry I’d just think I don’t know wouldn’t it be more fun with everyone?” Richie groaned. “Yeah. Yeah you're right Eddie” Richie replied in a deadpan voice. “Okay… See you in 20?” Eddie asked, sure Richie changed his mind.  
“Yeah see you in 20, love” Richie hung up before Eddie had a chance to respond. 

He sighed again the tinning in his chest didn’t leave. It’s whatever. He hung up the phone “Ma I’m going over to Richie’s” Nothing. “Mom?” He called again.  
He heard thumping from upstairs. A few moments later his mother appeared from the top of the stairs. “What was that honey?” “I’m going to Richie’s for a while. I’ll probably be back around 8” She glanced over him, probably trying to preserve the image of him before he leaves her again. "That _Trozier_ boy?" She spat out his name "Yes...ma." He mumbled. She sighed, drawing it out for what felt like hours “I guess if you must. Do you have your aspirator darling?” “Yes Ma.” “Love you be safe honey.” And then after a few more thuds she disappeared back up stairs. 

He shifted in his clothes his skin suddenly feeling too itchy. Was he nervous? He’s just going over to Richie’s it’s not like they haven’t hung out at his house before. Well he hasn't been over for a while now that he thought about it. He’d picked Richie up from his house with bill there a couple of times but in truth he hasn't really gone over to Richie’s since homecoming. He wonders if he should change clothes, as if that would help the problem. He took some aspirin then stopped delaying the inevitable and headed out.

He biked over to Richie’s, his mom still won’t let him get his license since driving is ‘a death trap’, not really expecting anything, other than baking maybe. He pulled up to Richie’s and was surprised to already see Bill’s car parked out front along with Ben and Stan’s cars not far behind. Saves the awkward silence. He parked his bike against the tree went up to the door knocking three times. The door creaked open and one eye flashed out. “Passsword” An old woman's voice crept out. “Let me in dick.” “Nooooooo” The voice cried. “Let me in dick please.” “Ehhhhhh good enough.” The door flew open and Richie stood in the Doorway, wearing a surprisingly Nice sweater over his cut up jeans. If Richie was still upset about what happened earlier he didn’t show it. “Right on Time Eds!” He smiled 

“Don’t call me that. Is everyone already inside?” “Yep” Richie said as he turned down towards the living room. He followed,he had barely step foot inside the living room when there was a sudden booming 

“Surprise!”

Everyone had popped one of those mini confetti poppers at Eddie. He stood there for a second trying to figure out what the surprise could be. Everyone was wearing one of those Dollar store party hats “I knew that you guys were here though?”

“Y-yeah but yoh-you didn’t k-know it was a p-p-party.” Bill said as he pointed to his hat winking at Eddie.

“We weren't gonna not throw you one, Silly” Bev giggled 

There was a poorly spray painted banner on a ripped up sheet hanging over the window spelling out ‘Congratulations’ Other than that and the hats there weren’t any signs this was a party but at least they tried.

He took a seat on the couch next to Mike and Stan. Bill settled down next to Bev. Ben politely took the floor “Oh Here” Mike pulled out an envelope. “It’s not much but I thought you might like it.”

“Aw Mike, you really didn’t have to. Thank you.” He tore open the envelope inside there were three free book coupons the Derry Library that gave out to kids for completing 20 books. 

“Usually it’s just for kid’s books but I’ll let you pick any book in the library, if you come in when I’m working.” “God, Thanks Mike thats so nice” When Eddie looked back up from the coupons he noticed Richie was gone.

“I’m next!” Bev yelled passing Eddie a silvery square package. He opened it, inside was a leather bound planner with E.K edged into the top. “I know it’s not exciting but they really do help you stay organized.” “Wow, I love it. Thank you so much bev.” That’s when Richie ran back into the room holding a ball of newspaper taped together. “Eds open mine next. I know you're suppose to save the best for last but I can’t wait.” He passed him the ball and plopped down right in front of Eddie almost sitting on Beverly. He untangled the mess of tape revealing a grey sweater with ‘Richie Tozier’ stained into the tag with black Sharpie. “I know it’s fucking freezing in New york so” He lifted it up over his chest with the sweater rolling down to his knees.”Put it on!” “It’s a little big Richie.” Eddie said but he still put on the sweater anyway. It didn’t smell like cigarettes or gum. It seemed like Richie had actually washed it. It smelled like warm laundry, almost like a blanket out of the dryer. It practically was a blanket. “Thanks Richie.” He smiled “H-here you g-go Eddie” Bill coughed out from the corner of the sofa. He handed Mike who passed the un-wrapped stethoscope to Eddie. “ Thanks bill. I don’t think I’ll be doing check ups that much but I appreciate it.” “P-P-Pharmacist probably n-need to listen to a heart or something once in awhile too.” 

“Or you could use it on yourself. Make sure you're still breathing.” Richie cracked. Ben and Stan both gave him the same gift. Ten dollars, he wasn't complaining.

They sat and talked about something. Probably just how Eddie was going to survive in New york, or something along those lines. After a while there was a ding from the Kitchen. “Oh Cake’s done!” Richie stubbled up and got to his feet. “What you actually made one?” Eddie questioned.

“Yeah of course! What’s a party without cake?” Richie replied leading everyone into the kitchen. They gathered around Richie’s table they didn’t bother frosting the cake. They barely gave it enough time to cool while they gathered plates and set up the table. Richie insisted Eddie sit at the head of the table. “I’m not jesus, Richie.” “Gotta set up the scene Eds. It’s your day after all” He pushed in his chair than settled in the chair to his left. “Any Words?” “Is this my last meal or something?” _With all of us together_. The thought whispered in the back of his mind “I’m not dying.” He laughed. “I’m just going to New york it’s only a 3 hour drive” Reassuring himself more than Richie. “Yeah but you only get one going away party.” Richie replied grabbing a knife to finally cut the cake.

Richie gave Eddie a piece bigger than his face. Than dished out the scraps of the cake. Mike went to grab his folk, but Richie shooed his hand away before he had the chance. “First, a toast” Richie raised up his cup of fancy water as he called it, he just poured bottled water into solo cups for everyone. He looked over to Eddie with a smile “To Eddie. I’m too proud”  
“To Eddie!” Everyone else raised their cup. “Thanks guys. Lets eat some cake” Eddie laughed

He’s pretty sure the cake was lemon. He can just remember the powdery taste more than the actual flavor. But he still enjoyed it nonetheless. It was just nice. All of them taking a moment just to be together. Richie, throwing bits of cake in Eddie’s hair. Ben, sneaking glances at bill and Beverly as he rattled on about what different desserts they could've made. Bill and Bev were too lost in some side conversation, probably about Bev’s at the time new car or whatever they’d talk about hell if Eddie could remember, to really notice Ben. Stan and Mike were actually listening to him though asking him about Filipino desserts .Mike still said that he didn’t really think they could’ve pulled anything off other than cake. It felt normal. Like it would never change. Like the weekend where he would leave would never come.

He rolled up his sleeves and got back to his cake. “So when are you guys thinking of visiting?” Eddie asked looking over the losers. The group got kinda quiet, BIll and Bev even turned towards him, he hoped in thought. Richie broke the silence “I’m not leaving for god knows how long so when I can get the gas money. Probably next month if we’re lucky. Honestly I don’t know how you're gonna live without me.” 

“Oh I think I can stop by before I leave for Arizona. It’s a little out of the way but I’ve always wanted to visit anyway.” Beverly chimed in “ I m-may be able to t-t-take all of us a-after Beverly’s s-s-s-end off. If I can get the t-time off work.” BIll added. Maybe things wouldn't be so different after all, he thought as he tried to fight back a doofy ass smile. “I don’t think I can make it.” Stan said looking over to Eddie cutting his daydream “Sorry I got start packing my stuff for my internship.” 

“Oh no it’s cool” Eddie said trying to hide his disappointment “I’ve never been to the statue of liberty, heard it’s cool. You’ll send us pictures of New york and stuff right?” Ben asked changing the subject

“Yeah definitely! I’ll mail you the photos of it a soon as I get there.”  
“We should go when we Visit Eds” Richie remarked shoving more cake in his mouth. “Why? Cause it’s the only chance you’ll have to get inside a women? I can see why Ben would wanna go. But you would hate it. It’s just historical stuff. ” 

“Maybe one as big as Ms.K” Richie raised his hand for someone to high five. No one did. “But yeah it does sound kinda boring now that you’ve sold me on it. We should go to central park and get pizza. I can afford that” .

“I don’t think you can even afford to get to New york without Bill.” Eddie said as he grabbed his plate getting up. He heard bill give a faint chuckle, even though it wasn't a joke, as he crossed the kitchen to the sink. He heard them talking about what was on tv that night. Richie yelled something about a Halloween marathon “I-its not even s-s-september yet” Bill yelled back. Eddie finished his dish and started back to the losers.

“Doesn't mean they’re not playing the classics” Richie replied smirking as if bill was the dumb one. 

“I don’t really care what we watch. But I think we should make some popcorn” Stan interjected while he went to put the dishes in the sink. By now everyone had finished their cake and given Stan their dishes, Eddie guessed he forgot to touch his nose and say not it again, and was getting up to head back. As they crossed the living room Bill walked up behind Eddie “Y-You got some c-cake in your hair Eddie” Bill smiled and dusted Eddie's head, his eyes widen at the amount that came off

“Richie! You asshole!” After bill pulled his hand away Eddie still shook his head trying to get the rest of the crumbs out. 

Richie came out of nowhere and hooked Eddie’s right arm into his pulling him down onto the sofa. “God, Calm the fuck down Richie.” Eddie whined trying to squirm away, but Richie put his arm around his shoulder pinning down next to him. “Just trying to get the rest of the crumbs out” He laughed as he tossed Eddie’s hair

Everyone else settled back in their seats and switched on the tv. They flipped through the channels until they found the Pink panther playing on some old releases channel. “Aw fuck yes” Richie tossed the remote to the floor

Stan came back in with popcorn, glaring at Richie for stealing his seat. “Hey it’s my house”  
“You're not getting any popcorn” Stan replied dryly hording the bowl.

The movie opened with animation from the show, it turned out to be live action but Eddie didn’t mind since the movie was actually good. He couldn’t believe Clouseau didn’t get away. Ben rolled over checking his watch. “Oh I should get going I gotta be home by dinner. Anyone need a ride?” Eddie thought about taking Ben up on his offer but he doesn't think Richie will let him go anytime soon plus his legs were already asleep, it be too much work. Ben staggered up than mike coughed “Yeah I guess I might as well” Mike slipped off the couch grabbing his coat from the floor. “Thanks again you guys, for the gifts” Eddie quickly said as Ben and Miked turned to head out towards the door. “Yeah no problem Eddie. Congrats again man” Mike replied “You’re welcome Eddie. Have fun in New york” Ben added. Eddie chuckled “You'll probably see me before I leave.” “Yeah but still” Ben laughed and followed mike down the hallway.

Eddie grabbed some popcorn and formed a makeshift bowl with his shirt. “You brought some to share with the class Eds?” Richie smirked reaching over to steal some. Luckily he was fast enough to shove him away before Richie had the chance

“Didn’t a werewolf movie just come out?” After fighting off Richie he turned his attention back to the group  
“Like last year right?” Beverly finished her question setting down the Remote, The words The Curse of the Werewolf flashed as the lettering oozed down the screen.“I haven’t really seen any werewolf movie since that teenage one came out at Aladdin’s.” Stan replied tossing more popcorn in his mouth “Jesus” Eddie felt Richie slightly shiver against him. “I completely forgot about that movie. Couldn’t sleep for weeks after” He gave out a faint chuckle, though Eddie could tell he wasn't joking

“T-That wasn't even s-s-cary Richie” Bill laughed “Yeah, werewolf movies aren’t really scary there more cheesy than anything” Beverly agreed as she swept her legs up settling them on bill's lap

Beverly was right, he can barely remember the movie but he does remember how cheesy it was. He could see why it was already dead genre by than. He actually tried to get into the movie though since it was better than listening to Trashmouth’s commentary every 5 seconds. This would've worked if the movie wasn't so fucking boring. He doesn't remember when he fell asleep but he does recall the fact that when he woke up all his popcorn was mysteriously gone.

He sat up from Richie’s shoulder “I can’t believe you took advantage of me, that’s low even for you Rich” Eddie mumbled out still waking up, trying to look as pissed as he could while yawing.

“Hey you snooze you lose Eds” Richie smiled throwing a kernel in Eddie’s hair. He sighed and shook out his head again.

“Oh shit!” Eddie looked over to the commotion. “I gotta go guys I was suppose to be home at 7:30. See ya” Stan yelled as he jumped off the couch and ran for the door.  
“Wait shit, what time is it” Eddie sat up looking out the living room window into the pitch black. It’s definitely pass 8.  
“Fuuck! I was gonna ask stan for a ride.” He really didn’t feel like biking out into the dark August night. He had a sweater sure, but it’s not Knife proof. 

“I can give you a ride my little Eddie spaghetti.” Richie offered 

_Alone._ In a car with trashmouth, yeah sounds like a great idea. He looked over to Bill and Beverly hoping they’ve picked up on his panic.  
“We s-should probably get going too” Bill muddled over to beverly not really paying attention to Eddie until finally he looked over to him with his mouth open to say something but Beverly nudged his shoulder coughing “O-oh” Bill squeaked 

_Beverly why?_ He was so close _hell you guys can fuck in the car while I’m there. Just please don’t leave._ He screamed in his head. He looked back to Richie hoping he didn’t just see that whole Interaction unfold.

“Goly gee wiz, Eds you do know how to make a boy feel special? Don’t cha?” Richie said while he pinched Eddie’s cheek, a little too hard. 

He swatted his hand away “I was gonna say yes. Just had to think if the ride was worth sitting through the weed stank .” Smooth Eddie, smooth.

By now Bill and Beverly were already halfway to the entryway hall saying their goodbyes. “Don’t forget a condom!” Richie yelled back to them as they went out the door.

Eddie turned back towards Richie to chastise him but Richie’s head was already hung down facing the floor.

“Richie?” Eddie said as he lifted a hand up to shake his shoulder.

“Now that we're alone” his voice came out in a low pitched whine, it sent shivers up Eddie’s spine. “I can finally… EAT YOU” Richie lunged, out his fingers curled up slightly like claws

He didn’t know why but in all honesty he expected richie to punch him. But instead of punching him, or clawing his stomach open he goes for Eddie’s armpits tickling him mercilessly.

“S-St-OP i-t” Eddie mustered out. But he’s pleads did nothing.

“I’m gonna destroy you.” Richie leaned down to whispered in his ear. His heart started pounding even faster somehow. He’s got to get him off. He gave up on being civil and rolled Richie off the couch.

“Ow” Richie landed with a thud on his back. “Oh shit are you okay?” Eddie asked rushing up to give him a hand.

“Haha yeah, only my pride is bruised” He said getting to his feet. “Dick move though I was gonna stop.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes “We both know that’s a lie” Richie laughed “True, but honestly Eddie it’s not like I’m gonna kill you if you're left alone with me.”

He stared down, suddenly the floor couldn’t seem more interesting to him. Is that a new stain? He thought noticing what look to be a coke spill on the carpet. “So you, uh noticed that?”

He couldn’t look up to meet Richie’s gaze, but he could hear the strain, the hurt, in his voice. “Notice? Eddie you kinda make it hard not to when you bolt everytime I talk you. I know you're…. You’re mad about what happened. I shouldn't have kissed you okay? I didn’t think my breath was that bad.” He laughed “That’s not the point I just I’m sorry and I just want us to be okay again. And I know you hate gays or whatever but co-” 

Eddie finally raised his head to face Richie, cutting him off mid rant “I’m not mad. I was never mad at you.” Ritchie was actually taken back by that, brows going up in confusion. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way when you… k-kissed me” He tried to fight it but his voice cracked at the mention he could feel his face heating up. “I should've apologized, I… I don’t know I think I was scared. Of actually bringing it up… it’s dumb I thought you’d actually tell me you hate me because of it. That you only swept it under the rug so no one found out… It’s stupid” He stopped knowing he’s gonna make himself cry if he kept talking.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Richie” He babbled over and over. 

He didn’t have time to react as Richie pulled him into his chest. With his face at least hidden he let it out and cried into his sweater. 

“It’s okay Eddie. It’s okay I’ll always be here for you don’t worry no matter what.” He rubbed circles in his back as he tried to comfort him 

“I’m not gay. I’m sorry. I’m not gay ” That’s all he could weeze out. Maybe say it enough and you’ll believe it too. He shoved the thought to the back of his mind

“Shhhh, baby it’s okay” Richie mumbled into Eddie’s hair 

They stood there for a moment while Eddie shivered and cried into Richie’s sweater. Richie, thank the gods, silently held him occasionally rubbing his back to help console him. After a while Eddie pulled away  
“Better?” Richie asked 

“As I’ll ever be” He replied. 

 

“Also I could never hate you Eds, even if you tried to split me and Ms.K up.” Eddie punched him on the arm for that one .Richie laughed and crumpled on the floor pretending to die. “My Eddie why?” He cried. Eddie just rolled his eyes.

“But all seriousness, I’m fucking your mom jokes aside.” Richie propped himself on his elbows  
To face Eddie.

“I love you Eddie. Nothings ever gonna change that. It’s totally cool you don't feel the same about me, romantically and stuff. As long as you tolerate me I’ll be fine.” 

Before he could even stop himself, he already mumbled _“That’s not it”_

“Hm?” Richie raised a hand to his ear. Eddie’s eyes Immediately widen, he could feel the blood rushing to his face. Shit.

 

“Uh nothing! We should get going soon.” He gave out a short off pitched laugh as he started towards the door.

Richie got up before he even made it two steps though, grabbing his shoulder. “Eds, wait. What did you say?”

He turned abruptly towards him, knocking Richie’s hand off. “Don’t Call me That!” He couldn’t help it, he was already yelling “Why do you have to keep pushing it! I’m not gay! I’m not sick! It’s wrong!” He saw Richie’s eyes darken even behind his thick coke bottle glasses. “...They’d never accept us.” He sniveled, looking down to avoid his gaze.

He jumped when Richie’s hand slid over his cheek. Richie gently raised his head to face him “E-eddie” His voice cracked “what do you mean ‘us’?”

He sighed he couldn’t hide it any longer. It’s been eating him up every single day since that night. Every time his mother would talk about how the queers were ruining Derry at the dinner table, every minute he sat in church, every second he’s spent thinking about Richie, the guilt, the nothingness he felt would boil over in his stomach, eating him away.

He’s sick

“I’m… I like you too okay?” He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Richie just wiped them away with his fingertips “It’s wrong though Richie. We could never be together. In Derry of all places we’d die.”

“Honestly If Henry browers himself busted in here right now I don’t think I would care.” Richie’s doofy smile widened. 

“Yeah I know you wouldn’t...You never care what people think, I’m jealous.”

“Well when you look like this you don’t have many options” Richie laughed. How can he be so nonchalant about this?

“Please, have you seen your competition? You're probably the best looking guy for miles around here.” Wait had he just said that? It felt strange after all those years of Richie’s one sided flirtin to suddenly throw a compliment back.

Maybe Richie thought so too because for once Trashmouth was silent as a blush crept up across his face. Eddie couldn’t help himself from giggling. 

“What? Is the great trashmouth at a loss for words? Not even gonna mention my mother? “ 

Richie snapped out of whatever love sick daze he was in “Gosh Eddie you sure do like bringing up your mom a lot” Richie laughed pulling his hand away from Eddie’s cheek, he didn’t move away though. Eddie could still feel his lanky arms invading his personal space, resting on the sides of his hips

“Ironic” He rolled his eyes

“Hehe No, I was just thinking about how if I was the prettiest boy in Derry that would include Big Bill.” Richie smirked the biggest shit eating grin Eddie’s probably ever seen.

“I never said you were the prettiest! I said you were okay looking.” Eddie screamed over his cracking voice  
“Too late Eds.” Richie waggled his index finger “No take backs”

Eddie groaned “Just take me home, buttface.” He turned away, sure he’s gonna die of embarrassment if Richie kept this up

But Richie hooked his arms around his waist before Eddie could even face the hallway.  
“Not till you tell me I’m the prettiest boy it Derry” Richie cooed 

“Fuck no!’ Eddied squirmed as hard as he could, but Richie’s grip tighten like a vise. He felt Richie’s hands wiggling down his back under his struggles, getting dangerously close to his ass. Shit..  
“If I say yes, you're kinda pretty, will you left me go?”

“Hmmm” Richie looked up in thought. “I’ll let you go if…” He brought his eye’s back down and Eddie swore he saw pure evil behind them. “And only if, you say ‘Richie you’re the prettiest boy in Derry and, possibly the world.”

He groaned. He knew it’s his only way out. But honestly dying in a stand still doesn't sound so bad when you weigh out the options. Richie stared at him expectedly, with his classic ‘please Eds’ puppy dog eyes.

He groaned again. “Don’t just stare at me!”

“Aww but Eds, you’re just too cute not to stare at” Richie’s dumb ass smile somehow got wider. 

He sighed and just closed his eye’s knowing he's gonna lose any nerve he had if he kept them open. “Richie you're the Prettiest boy in- “ He was cut off as Richie’s lips smack against his.  
He jumped as teeth clacked against his lips, he almost pulled away but Richie started to gently part his lips distracting him from the stinging. It was firm yet tender and warm, it wasn't fleeing like the last time. 

Richie plunged both of his hands into his hair, he tried to swiped his tongue over Eddie’s but his tongue only graced his teeth. It still surprised Eddie enough to pull away.

“R-Rich.. We can’t..” He panted 

Richie pulled him back in. He’s delicate the second time, gently tilting his head, slowly moving his lips against Eddie’s. It’s feels so warm, so safe. _So wrong._  
He pulled away lowering his head in guilt. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Richie didn’t say or do anything for a moment. Tears started swelling in Eddie’s eyes just bracing for his response.

He felt Richie’s warm sigh against his forehead. “Yeah, me too” Richie untangled his hands out of his hair and brushed pass Eddie.  
He doesn't know whether just cry, or cut his losses and run home. Instead he just stands there processing if that had actually happen.

His thoughts are cut short though when a hoodie hits him in the face. “It’s like 40 out.”  
Richie said as he put on a bomber himself. He simply noded, too tired to put up a fight at this point, and put on the hoodie. Richie smiled at him and the pit of guilt in his stomach deepen

“Ready?” He asked

“As I’ll ever be.” He replied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, threw in another kiss cause why not? You read all of that they might as well at least kiss a little. I kinda stole the stature of Liberty joke from Redburns say what you mean (out loud) it's another great fic if you're looking for another reddie fic  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283653
> 
> If there's any major grammar errors please tell me, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Cheesy ass song for a cheesy ass fic. Here's the song btw />  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrVbawRPO7I  
> This work was inspired by Girly boy another great Reddie fic you should check it out if youre in the mood for some tears  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12104667
> 
> Thanks for reading. Criticisms and Critiques always welcomed


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